Rubber ducky Your the one.

So as I walked out of the house this morning Post Party to start the car up I saw something that summed up the nights adventures quite nicely and here it is.


Now Other than possibly punching a hole in my oil pan... (Still need to crawl under and check that out) the Party was a fucking BLAST!

I like to think that I have helped to promote Indian Leg Wrestling... I would like to see it become an Olympic sport.

So I was pretty fuckin' Hammered Last night... Not that I was much different than I normally am... Well I think I requested more Boob shots than normal... So sue me.

We had to skedaddle early this morning.... I think Julie was seeing the tough end of a rough night this morning.

I will be editing the video down so that it has just the GOOD stuff in it.
Maine Chicks Gone wild! woo hoo.

Short blog more to come.

Ready for the party.... well mostly.

I have almost finished with my gift for the Xmas party.

I am looking forward to seeing what everyone else has come up with for the swap.


It should be a very good time!

Wow it's freakin' cold!

What the Hell.... you'd think we lived in one of the northern states or something!!!!

Alright, I am already done with the whole "Nut-freezin' cold" time of the year! Where do we sign up for the weather that will bring my testicles back down out of my abdomen? I mean I went through this once before and after the pimples and squeaky voice I thought I was done with it.

But at least the cold brings in the "most wonderful time of the year" [I can't take credit for that... I totally pinched it from a song... So you may have recognized the phrasing.]

I mean c'mon. How could it NOT be the most wonderful time of the year? we're talking presents and egg nog and presents and chestnuts roasting on an open fire....
Though that last one probably isn't so great if you own either the chest or the nuts that are being roasted or if the "Open Fire" gets a bit out of hand when you realize that it will be you Bits that will be going in over the lickin' flames. Well I mean who knows... maybe your into that.... All I know is if it gets much colder I might take a pass at it myself!
But I digress....
So I am looking forward to Christmas this year. The kids are gonna get spoiled rotten!
NOTHIN' wrong with that I tell ya... in moderation any way.

So this post proves that I am still alive. I have been busy as all hell lately. rebuilding computers in every nook & cranny in the house.
So hopefully I will be less of a blog slacker and get more posted. I think I will do a List like Julie did of my 10 Things... and to be honest... I don't know which things will make it to the top ten at the moment... so I will have to think about it.

More as I get the chance....
Later~

Lights, camera..... wait for it.... wait for it

ACTION!

Well I have been working on getting the idea for my first spoof film tightened up.
Which basically has involved having a few drinks and talking stupid ideas out... and by stupid I mean Freakin' awesome!

So I am gonna start doing a little guerrilla filming once I get the details worked out and then I should be posting some web junk.
Now I make no promises on how good the movies are gonna be... but I do think it is gonna be fun to film.

 

So... Fuck Vista and the Dell it rode in on!

Yup.... you heard me.

I have had enough. I am and will always be a dyed in the wool geek at heart... don't get me wrong... but Well the two new Dell Laptops showed up carrying the Plague called vista.

I thought…. Alright…. I have avoided progress long enough. I am going to just dig in and figure vista out from the ground up.

 

So I gave it a go. I tinkered, I toyed, I even mucked around a bit. I have had, to date four Catastrophic failures between the two Laptops.

Last night mine shit the bed on me do to a windows update.

I have recovered mine to a point that I can get to my stuff and get it off there.

Then that fucker is being rebuilt with XP sp3!

 

I know all of my apps run smoothly on XP. I know that it doesn't decide to shit it's cookies out for no other reason than it is sunny outside. I know that I can navigate around in XP without being prompted for the stupidest shit unless I hobble the system. And I know that I can't remember the last time I felt like flinging an XP laptop through a window (Well in all honesty… I actually can… but I will say it was PRE sp1!)

 

So tonight I will clear everything off and get all my XP drivers burnt to disc… and then it's on like muthfuckin' donkey kong!

 

Ooooooooooh yeah…. So I was gonna save this for another blog but I will go into detail later (I am sure I will babble on endlessly) I have a new digital camcorder with all the fixins so I intend to start whoring my movie editing skillz (Uuuuum yeaaaaaah) out and doing some youtube posts…. More on that when I have something worth watching.

The apple don't fall far from the tree...

So the better half and I were sitting down relaxing with the boy in front of the oh mighty boob tube when a car commercial came on it was one of those "Fully loaded" vehicles with a DVD player & in-seat screens.
The mancub looks over at us and says in all seriousness...

"I'm gonna get me a car with one of those TVs in the seats.... then I can live in it. Then all you need is a blanket and you can just go where ever you want and watch TV and go to sleep. you know I could go to work at like burger king or some where and pull into work and be like 'Hey Boss!' and I could live in the driveway at work."

It was at this point the wife was looking at me trying not to laugh.... she says... "Did you every tell him about that or do you think it's just genetic?" and starts to laugh.

OK... Look... I didn't have any fancy TVs and DVD players in the car.... hell sometimes I was lucky to have heat!

I think that you are either born with the gypsy lifestyle ingrained in the very fiber of your being or you don't have it.

I am hoping that he shoots a little higher than BK.... but ya know It is a step forward from the "I am NEVER moving out of this house... the kids can get on the bus here" statement from a few years back.


So.... needless to say the smiles laughing and discussions about living in a car continued for awhile... Damn my kid cracks me up.
and I have to say... I have a new found respect for what my parents went through... I think I should give them a hug next time I see them and share this little gem of wisdom with them.... somehow.... I suspect that they won't be all that surprised.

Chinese Democracy & Free Dr. Pepper

OH YES Boys and Girls. Oh Yes!


http://web.gunsnroses.com/index.jsp

http://www.drpepper.com/freeDrPepper/?icamp=hp_dpfree_coupon

The world has tipped on it's axis (Or on it's Axl if you are that big a fan)
It is the first sign of the Apocalypse... you do know that don't you?

Kill her... F_ck her... But just get ON with it!

Dinner & Movie

So we watched Twilight as you all know.
Well I have to say I liken the experience to that of watching a school play when your kid isn't in it.
I DID NOT enjoy the movie.


Now I'll be honest I didn't expect to like it that much... but was hoping to be surprised.
I wasn't surprised for the reason I had hoped.
Through most of the film I was hoping that he would just tear her throat out and be done with it.

The one saving grace (In my twisted mind at least) is Alice.
That chick is ten kindsa awesome wrapped up in a kickass little neck-snappin' frame.

So having said all that let me give you a rundown of how the movie could have been better.

1. When Bella all but pulled her panties to the side for Edward... He coulda DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! (Like my blog title implies!)
2. Edward could have been at least slightly less of an all around Pussy (just for starters)
3. There could have been more killing and maybe an explosion worthy of mention.
4. See #1 (Once again... fer the love of Christ the girl wanted you about as far inside of her as your pansy ass could have made it... I mean damn at least show the girl a couple hardcore seconds of your Vampire love.)
5. They could have done a cross-over and let Edward use the "Port Key" from his last wondrous role and maybe he could have jumped straight into talent.... or at least a couple of acting classes.
6. AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE SO PAY ATTENTION. The cock-knocking, swill gargler that ALLOWED "Edward" to think he was talented enough to play and sing the song for the soundtrack should have been dragged on screen and had his entrails pulled slowly out through his rectum with a spork. IF you thought his acting was bad.... Oooooh his singing will take you to a very dark place... and NOT in a good way. (that WONDERFUL little singing that you hear warbbling in the back ground as Bella is eating in the resturaunt... yup you guessed it... That is the sissy immortal himself.... don't believe me... check the credits.)
   
7. When I left the movie someone could have met me at the theater doors and Knelt down in front of me begging me to forgive them for haven taken my money and then refunded the total cost of the tickets and given me movie passes good for as many movies as I would like for the remaning years I had left on this filthy dirtclod called earth. That might have come close to squaring up.
   

Those are just a few of my observations.
So... I wonder if the sequel will be any good? >.<

Effin' tripleX~hausted!!!

10 kindsa tired

 

I swear... I don't know whether I am awake or asleep most of the time lately. I feel like the walking dead.

I haven't stopped moving for I-don't-know-how-long.

It seems I am always lifting something far heavier than I would like, or moving something that doesn't really want to be co-operative....

I just want Sleep.

Crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, shut the door and just go to sleep.

So regardless of what anyone may think.... I am just Fuckin' tired right now... so don't feel that I am avoiding anyone. I just want some fuckin' sleep.

LOTS of sleep!

Happy Halloween

It is that time of year again....
The time when the rest of the world plays by the rules I like.

When being a freak or dressing like you have an appendage in distress or a bad hair decision was made... well, it is all ok.

I mean people wear fake piercings and 80's rock star clothes and I thing....

Okay... maybe the parachute pants with the bullet belt is a bit much.... but... I do so love my piercings.

So as all of you venture out toningth... walk proudly among "My people." well except for that guy that is dressed like BoPeep handing out candy... that fuck is just plain creepy.

And remember... MAKE SURE that it is a wig BEFORE you say "Damn man! AWESOME Mullet wig!!!!" Especially if you are at Walmart.

A little helpful hint for the holidays. Just doing my part.... I mean if you ask me I would totally make a kickass "Emergency broadcast system" Warning systems voice over guy.

Think about it.....

[Crackly radio transmission recording sound thingy]

"That tone you just heard.... Man was THAT fuckin' annoying or WHAT!? but seriously.... that one was the real deal... So yeah... if you can still hear my voice and your face hasn't melted or been torn from your body...Well your still pretty much FUCKED.

I know... I am supposed to calmly tell you it'll all be better soon and you can just wait it out hiding in a hole with some plywood over your head.... HaHa... if you believe that shit you probably think my stupid ass is in the studio reading this. Your dumber than you look... and to be honest Mullet-boy... uum... Girl sorry 'bout that.... I didn't think that was possible.

Basically If you can hear the sound of my voice spend the next few minutes hugging up to whatever is closest... the wife, the dog, your cousin... hug yourself and look over your shoulder in the mirror you sad & lonely fuck... because Life as you know it is about to come undone...
Be well and good luck with all that.


...This has been a message of the Emergency Broadcast System Eeeeert Eeeeert EeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrt Eeeeert "


I wonder if they are taking applications????

Well Happy Halloween!

Good times, Bad Times

Good Times

I have had time to think and review as of late....

And it breaks down a few ways Life is full of Ups & downs....

Most of the time we find ourselves somewhere in between one of the two main states of being.

 

I live for the good times.... it pretty much is my only reason for drawing a single breath on this crazy dirt clod we call earth. So there really isn't much else about life I am gonna burn time focusing on 'cuz none of it really matters (Cue some cheesy metallica-ballad).

 

I wasn't trying to piss any one off or stop anyone from talking to me... I was just riding the high side of life. I have a LOT of room and ambition on a great deal more ink.

I am sorry if it seemed that I was being selfish or whatever... it wasn't meant to come across that way.

 

So everyone join me up here on the high side and we will just keep plowing on into a good time.

Chalk it all up to the fact that I am impatient and impulsive, that is it. I mean ferChrist sake how else would I have found Dresden.... or known that you could pay for tolls with Mt dew bottles & cans. Or that Dunster's donuts are all you really need for nourishment as long as you have enough Jack Daniels. I mean c'mon.

 

Bad Times

They don't fuckin' matter and I am already past 'em. Two tears in a bucket, fuckit!

Any questions... see above

Matt... Could U shave HALF of my nipple 4 me?

Why... Sure... sure I could!

So Julie and I were on the way to get dinner tonight when I got a tattoo.
Figured I would post some shots... Just a little look into how it all went. I was very impressed with the guys work and his attitude was fucking awesome....

So basically what that is saying to me is that when I want work done I am looking at a five hour drive... Hey it will give me an excuse to take some driving trips.

Matt Gets to Layin' Down the Lines

Grubby Lines takin' shape

Finished with the star, the lines and the Tips... Gettin' there.

Here she is... I will be getting more.

Yup... Definitely MORE!

As you can all see from the pictures above... Matt had effectively Quartered the number of hairs "Growing" on my chest while at the same time Halving the number of wirey little hair tendrals that populated the outer rim of my Left nipple.

I know... I'm a freak. I can't help it... So Ladies... Please control y'selves!

I know my Hair challenged Man-teats are a wonder to behold in and of themselves but I thought I could give you all a reason not to feel guilty when you oogle my ever so enticing pecs. I know... it's okay... Some times I catch myself drifting by the full length mirrors I have had installed on the walls, ceiling and floor at my place and can't help but give myself a lil' wink, a nod and "Pull out the Gun-Hands".

But seriously folks.....

I realize now that I really do need to start working out... I was gonna say "Again" but it's been so long since I last worked out with out my life being in true peril [running from an escaped tiger at the zoo does NOT count as Cardio! No Fuckin' way I am pencilling THAT into a weekly routine!!! "Is today ISOs or am I poking panda bears with sticks today" and if you aren't-in-the-know Pandas will FUCK YOU UP!!! check into it! The Chinese and their panda related Propaganda PR would have you believe it's all cuddly-fuzziness and Fun... They will EAT. YOUR. SOUL! FACT!]

So there should be more Tattoos in my near future.

I have already talked to Matt and he is gonna cut me a fucking awesome deal on a Half sleeve cover-up if I can sit in the chair for four hours. Half Sleeve...Here I come!!!! I am Reeeeeeally looking forward to it! Now I need to get to work on the art... I have an Idea for my next three... To include the rough mental outline for the 1/2 sleeve.

okay I guess that is enough for tonight.

Socks, draaaawers & Free wireless, oh my!

Settling in

Sitting here on my sleepnumber bed in my socks and underwear grabbing all the free wireless I can get my grubby lil mits on.

I have the AC cranked and I am gonna crawl in this frigin awesome bed for a few hours of sleep... I'm too tired to prance around in front of my open shades doing my half naked Frozen nippel shuffle before bed.... oh well.... there is always tomorrow night,


Until then...
 

one hundred trillion miles an hour

Pre trip hulabaloo

I have been running around getting ready for my trip.

I have the schweeeeeeet rental sitting in the driveway... nothing extreme or anything but a nice lil full size. I am still putting clothes in my suitcase.... OR I SHOULD be but I am clicking away on the keys instead.

Have some last minute running around to do before I head off that I should get to as well.

Not that is all that surprising when I don't blog for a little while but I was figuring I can't be sure how much personal time I will be spending on the net while I am away so this is the "Official" 'whoknowshowmuchfreakinbloggin'llgetdonewhileI'maway' Blog.

More than you've gotten lately... and I think the Booty-shakin' Axe man scared everyone to the point where the was a collective gasp of "WhatdafuckwasTHAT" from our collective little section of the blogosphere.

Need a refill on my coffee... because being the addict that I am until they make it legal [and SAFE] to mainline the stuff I gotta get all that I can internally, swirling my brain into that acceptably cafinated level.

Geek Alert

I swear after Fucking with Vista as much as I have lately... I am trying to figure out what it is exactly that has stopped me from fully swithing over to my mac as my main platform.

Next time I purchase a computer for my art purposes... I am just going to make teh commitment and fully switch. as it is, I already use alot of opensource software for everything I wanna do... I still can't give up Flash and Photoshop... Gimp just isn't refined enough yet for me to walk away from the tried and true Photoshop action.

Alright... I gotta go finish gettin' ready... see you guys on the flip side.

Rental cars, Training & my Masters Oh my!

I have been really busy as of late. Getting ready to go to training for work.
I am sure that no one really wants to hear me ramble about how moving over to the "Management" side of the fence is going. All I will say is... Sometimes I wonder how some people put their shoes on and know to tie them next with out someone there to tell them how it should be done.

All in all it is good. So I gotta pick up my rental car Sunday to head off for training. AND it looks like I will be working on my masters in "All that spare time" I have. on the company's dime as well... so does it get any sweeter than that? Not really a super exciting post... but I haven't had much time to play electronic catch-up with everyone... so I figured I would prove I was still alive.

Today is my dad's Birthday so we are gonna stop by and see him for awhile this afternoon.

Today The other half is on an all out Xmas shopping expedition with one of her friends.
So the Man-cub and I are doing the King-of-the-house thing. We have some running around to do and then The twins are coming over for the night. Probably some movie action and pizza or just a junk food smorgasbord.

Nothing extremely exciting I know, but it is what it is.

Like

and then I had to stop wearing Axe

I had to.... shit like this was always happening to me.... and to be honest the bathroom upstairs really can only take so much of me falling through it!

Bringing a Lil' Winterport to Hampden

I stood around this mornin' thinkin' to myself "Why is it exactly that my neighbors all Loooove Me?" Well if I'm honest I broke it down a little something like this:

"The weakest Link"

Generally speaking People (Read that last part as "All the Fucks that ain't us") tend to Surround themselves with people that make them look better at first glance.
Well the problem with that is you have people out there like me That fuck that theory all sortsa up for them.

Now let me just expand on that for a minute if I may. When someone chooses to surround themselves they try to grab someone of like characteristics and just try to "Shop slightly below" the image they themselves are trying to put off.... and in strolls me. One white bread walking dilemma of a neighbor showing up to frig up the resale values in middle-classurbia.

So crowded around there are those sorta people that groom their lawns right up till when the snow flies... I refer to them as "Those People" because I am NOT one of them. Now back to me...

I have been remodeling my house for like... Well since the minute I have owned it. It is a CONSTANT process. Now any one that knows me knows that I am WAY more in tune with the DEstruction part and the CONstruction part... uuum well, let's just say I haven't been as excited about THAT part. To be honest, I've accomplished more in the last 4 weeks than I have in the last 4 years... but I digress.

So back to the fucks that chose (or were forced by cruel fate when I moved in!) to live near me (I swear I think I deserve to be on ANY flier involving the neighborhood). I see them looking at my yard and shaking their heads (Yeah I'm talkin' about YOU Lounsbury!) As I wield the machete to get the boy on the bus in the morning. Hey, childhood is supposed to be an adventure and I'm Indiana Freakinjones. Anyway... As I have remodeled I have had a tendency to just pitch shit off my deck...
I know what your think "Fucking Class act" and I agree Whole heartedly. However the pile of debris that seems to be taking on a life of it's own... well it's even a bit much for my rednecky ass to put up with.
I have Half-ass tried to keep it between the rock wall and the car on blocks... but it has strayed a bit... in a few places. The neighbors have that look in their eyes like "We'll NEVER be able to sell... I know the market is down right now but living next to Bo-Bo the remodeling freak over there... well quite frankly dear I do believe we're fucked!"

In my heart of hearts I Almost feel for them.. but then I remember that we live in America... and I don't even need to take responsibility... I can Blame shift and with a guilt free wave of the Blame wand I skillfully plop the responsibility for the impromptu-formation-of-utter-turmoil-unleashed square onto the town of Hampden... that's right you heard me.
I mean c'mon... We used to be able to take Debris (of which my pile is completely constructed!) to the dump when ever the hell we felt like it (well, except Monday and Tuesday.. but I don't count those days anyway.) And then the HIGH and Mighty powers that control the friggin' trash heap decided that because of abuse by contractors (Yeah... so you Fucks aren't blameless in this whole charade either... and you know who you are you privilege abusin' pricks!) That they were going to limit it to two weekends a month... and it almost seems as if you are trying to break into fucking fort Knox if you try to slip some official debris into the dump on unofficial Debris days. I mean break out the gestapo action... they just need the uniforms. And for the love of all that is holy and good It isn't like the landfill here in Hampden is taking such a serious ass whooping because of Lil' ol me.

Any way... So that pile is growing and as I looked around this morning I thought "Wooooow... Looks like a little slice of backwoods west Winterport around here" ... and trust me when I tell you folks I should know. That thought made me smile because I realized every one around me used to just wish their yard looked better than the next guys and so on and so forth.... now all of them just wished my yard look as good as ANY of theirs... And there I go fucking up that curve.

So as I began to walk my grinning ass back to the house I thought Maybe I should take down the pool in my driveway... but then, Hell where are the kids gonna skate this year if I do?
So... if you look on Google maps and see some ramshackle stack of all-out-redneck next to the road here in Hampden... well you zoom right in real close like and I do believe you will see me giving the satellite the finger while mooning the Lounsbury's.

That is a Mighty fine shillelagh ya have there!

A shillelagh (Irish: sail éille, a cudgel with a strap), commonly pronounced /ʃɪˈleɪli/ "shi-LAY-lee" or "shi-LAY-la", IPA: [ɕaˈleːlə]) is a wooden club or cudgel, typically made from a stout knotty stick with a large knob on the end, that is associated with Ireland and Irish folklore.

Scotch & Cranium... a hell of a night

As always...

A night at the Jordan's was full of entertaining stories and fun mixed in with a little scotch (Which was at least 12 years old and Reeeeeeeeeeeeeally good).

The puppy was a cute addition to the crowd. I am still looking forward to getting inked up.

I really enjoy Game night!

Sorry such a short Blog but I am in "Tech Support" mode I am rebuilding Julie's Laptop and My Brothers Computer.... Never a dull moment.

I have only one thing left to say....

"Camouflage"

New Tattoo

Yup... I'm doin' it

I have been designing tattoos for everyone under the sun and the other day I sat down to pen one up for myself.
I called Rick to see if he wanted to go with me and that way we can totally copy Colleen & Nicole... in fact I am going comando and I'm gonna wear a skirt.

So anyway... back to the tattoo....
I sat down to think about what I wanted....
after the briefest of moment the tattoo I wanted popped into my head.
I wasn't sure where I was gonna get a left handed transvestite midget to pose with a chainsaw, a dead cat and a bottle of champagne but then after a moment I realized that really would be a tough one to explain in the nursing home.

"Well ya see.... That there is ya typical south-paw tranny psycho... see ya can tell right there from the dead cat and the champagne I mean really, what self respectin' Hobbit would have Champagne with dead cat.... ya need something like Pabst to bring out the flavor...."

[Ooooh... and in case there is a question.... yes I fully intend to be 10 kindsa crazy when I am old... and Yes I fully expect my son to put me in a home.. I mean fer Keriist Sakes lookit me.]

So having realized that the amount of trust I would have to have in the tattooist to pull off that level of detail and pull of "the Look" I was going for... Well lets be honest... I ain't that trustin'.

I settled down at the computer and started to work on constructing the next great inkstain to grace my skin.
I was having idea after idea colliding around in my skull.
I came up with several that were "strong first choices"
[in case it helps you all sleep at night.... YES I do Air quotes... I see no problem with it. if you yourself happen to take offense to air quote abuse... well, Piss up a rope and get over yaself I ain't changin' my air quotin' way for no one... NO ONE ya hear!]

So I was trying to decide which one looked most like me.... Julie had gone in-town for a quick shopping trip and there were kids screaming through the house and soothing my nerves so that I could make a calm rational decision about what I liked best when I looked back at what I had been working on and decided to change it. I combined a few of my favorite elements and through it together in what seemed like no time at all... It just seemed perfect and right. when Julie got back I showed her the newest "Potential" tattoo. I already knew from before she left which one she had liked before... when she saw the one I had just done she was like "... wow baby... that makes me want to get a tattoo!" So I took that as one more vote for that being my next tattoo. I showed Mindy and she thought it would be perfect for me also.

"So Show us already you stallin' Prick!!!"

I know your all probably like " ...jeesuuuuuus Keeerist would you show us the fuckin' Tattoo already you long-winded Ramblin' fuck!" [or at least that is what I heard in Kristie's voice in my head... and then it sounded like she spit and put in a wad of chew as well. I think it was long cut but I couldn't be sure.]

But just like with Rick's tattoo I am not gonna post it to the web so that every drunken Frat boy or Left handed midget transvestite will be walking around sporting the same tattoo... So if you wanna see it... Weeeeeeell i am guessing the best way to do that is to drink in close proximity to where I am.... or wait until the "After pictures" get posted.

I may change my mind about posting it but we will see.

Rhapsody... I am your whore!

You heard me

Whore.
Whore. whority, whore, whore!
What's that you want a little Tesla with no Music Pirates remorse... oh yeah... I'm your whore.
Are you having a Quiet Riot withdrawals.... do it up butter cup... crawl right in bed with that musical harlot and get to doing the deed.

I know Rick and Colleen have been using it for awhile... and I happily settled for my pirating ways... But I am a changed man I say.

It is kinda nice to get access to (almost) all the music one could want with out the pirate guilt.

Lil less Whore, Lil more Blog

Alright... got that outta the way.
I just wanted to say that it is nice that Colleen had the benefit of meeting Shane and now she understands that while he was the subject of many comedic routines... he is none the less every bit the wonderkid we had described him as.

Blog vacancy

I have been away for a little while I know... but I have my Brand new laptop set up and wrapped up tight into the wireless that is floating around the house here.
So I am going to try to blog a little more.
...but no promises.

Foregoing Smartassed for the rock with a msg

I Love Youtube

I swear I can't help but love the simple nature of a straight forward song.

Good & Laid

Laying it down...

The new Floor in my kitchen that is. Today was a good day.
I picked Greg up this morning and him and I pretty much cranked out the new kitchen floor.
Tomorrow we will be doing the Laundry room floor and the trim in the kitchen plus putting up the door casings.

Today it went pretty well... we cranked up "House of Hair" and just started lining things up first.
It went a little slow in the beginning because we took the time to get everything in place and do the cuts so that we would have a nice straight floor. After we got going We just flew.

So tomorrow we should have the laundry room finished too and then after it is finished it is going to be converted into a writing room / utility room.

Not an exciting post I am sure but it is another room down on the list of "Rooms to remodel" and I am slowly getting to the end of that list.

I am finished for the evening I am gonna go mix myself I heavy handed Seven & Seven and Try to come up with something witty and smart ass for my next post.

Waiting.... just waiting.

Not so patiently I have to tell you

My new Laptop should be in on the 16th I think if all goes as planned.... I should already have had it.... but NOOOOOOOO... fucking back-to-school rush fucking with the production schedule.

So not much really to say except I hate not having my own computer set up.
Not really exciting... but I WANT MY LAPTOP!!!!

Diva's is one patriotic spot!

"So there I was...."

Picture it... Lunch time. I had stepped out to the truck for a break and as I sat down behind the wheel I saw a sight that reminded me what a great country we live in.
Diva's.
Now Diva's itself is not what makes me think that this is a great country... but scantily clad females is a pretty damn good reason... I know there is alot of sexiness in the eyes but somehow those middle eastern places just don't realize... looking at nothing but eyes....... uuuuuum yer missing a bit of the scenery.... I dunno maybe it's just me. **shrug** but any way.... back to my story.

So there it is in all it's skeezy glory right across the parking lot from where my windshield happens to be at that moment, Diva's. and as I smirk and size up the otherwise unimpressive brick structure I can't help but notice the signage. All of the decorative Naked Lady silhouettes bordering all of the words... here there and everywhere.
Somewhere deep inside of me I feel my mind pulled in a direction that seems in a direction one wouldn't expect while viewing Naked Lady silhouettes... It was brought about by the proclomation that they Love our soldiers....

Now... c'mon that string of insults and slams almost write themselves.
So I won't bother to say something like "Sure but that one guy on leave doesn't count as 'Our soldiers' not even if a few of them shared him"... Like I said.... too easy.

But anyway... I started looking at all of the signs tacked all over the building and after a little time reading and smiling I have to say... "God Bless those strippers for giving our boys something to look forward to coming home to" It seems those half naked and scantily clad lasses reminded me what patriotism is all about.... So the next plane that comes in full of soldiers at BIA... those fuckers are getting flashed... God bless the troops... & I intend to help out with moral for good ol Uncle Sam!

New job

Paperwork & Coffee

Well... Today was the day. First day at the new job.
It was mostly shaking hands and paperwork interrupted by coffee and lunch.
So far everything seems great... I should be looking over resumes shortly for my soon to be new employees. Looking forward to getting everything in place for my team.

More as I get it all ironed out.... nothing super exciting but everything seems to be going great.

Checking out pellet stoves

Change of Fuel dependence.

We have been talking about changing the source of all our winter warmth over for awhile.
After last years Rape job of oil delivery and a few talks with the guys down in the shop the Pellet solution started looking more and more like the way to go.

So we are going out today to check over our options and sometime in the next month I will be installing which ever one we decide to go with.

Not exciting... but just what is going on.

So I quit my job today....

"Resigned" Technically I guess

But really does it mean anything different?
I really liked some of the people that I worked with & will miss them...
Not to mention I will miss the rides to and from work with all of the Guy Smiley sightings and Salvation army Guy references.

I will say that I can't thank Rick enough for getting me in the door up there.
I have something else lined up (and NO Nicole it is NOT the Airport.) and I will be starting after the holiday weekend. It should be a very good gig.... I mean how often do you get to model "mangerie" (Man Lingerie for those that aren't in the know) for a living?
I swear I know what your thinking....
I was amazed a man could make $$$ at it as well.... The guy in the Van that offered me the job told me the benefits package was incredible and I have to tell you how can you not trust a guy that smiles like that all the time.
So I will have a calender made up for everyone this year for Xmas.

What else? Uuuuum......

Well to be honest the whole "Quitting thing" kinda took the cake.
I will try to come up with something worth reading and maybe even funny for the next blog.

...... oh yeah.... if you want to pre-order any extra calenders you can get them at SwollenBananaHammock.com

Publish Post

enjoy

So I was thinkin'

Flashback Kinda junk

When was the last time that I just did an absolutely Random Flashbacky kinda blog...

Well... I have had a few flashbacks hit me out of the blue recently...
Just the kinda thing where the thought overtakes you and you laugh and go.... I wonder if anyone else remembers that the same way I do.

Now all of the flashbacks seemed to play out like an entertaining movie in my mind.

I will tell you... out of all the stuff I have done in my life I think Rick has seen most of them first hand.

My boots Stink...

and my feet are no walk in the park.
I really need to just throw the damn things away... but that'll happen right after I get new ones....
But then there is the whole "breaking in" period.

Why.... just Why?

Why do I watch Shows on tv about Freaks of nature?
I can't look away.
I swear I start with some morbid curiosity but as I sit there I am like ".......Fuuuuuuck... that just ain't right." I become invested in the shows and then I realize that When I turn the the tv off I am back to just being me... my own special kind of freak... but NOTHING that will end up on a discovery channel special.

Well There!

I thought this was gonna be a flashback blog..... Turns out it was just a rambling bumble along.
Oh well.
It is what it is...
If you've read this far and are upset with the way the whole thing all I can say is...
"Piss up a rope. It's all over so we're good"

A week full of Fuckall!

This week has been the shittiest week in memory as far as work & on-call go...

The details I could bore you with but to be honest I am still so pissed about a couple of them that I can't even make fun of them.... Let's just say the week I have had makes me feel like a Hungarian weightlifter that just "finished" the Clean & Jerk.



I gotta grab a coffee and get over to Nicole's to start luggin' stuff.

I am sure after THAT I should have plenty of amusing little anecdotes to parley into a blog of epic proportions.

131.42 & Driving with your Sack

131.42

That is right. You heard me. That is the exact amount it will cost you if you fuck around and jet your way through a red light all dukes of Hazzard style.
Unless...

Sack Driving

You toss your sack up over the wheel and let "The Boys" navigate you on through the light and down the road.

Things your Boss SHOULDN'T know

131.42 or that you are willing to drive with your testicles.

Oops... I apparently didn't get that memo.
So on the ride home I apparently tossed my phone down in my lap and found out that not only are my nuts capable of driving but my penis can make prank calls... to my boss.
Yup... that is right after another CLASSIC ride home with her connected in to hear us tearing up on 131.42 and Sack driving and that fact that THAT is how I roll... she disconnected and called me back... starting our conversation with ".... um, did you need me?"
I was like 'Nope..... why'
At which time she laid it out on the line.... (Quicker than Guy smiley lays out Salvation Army Guy) that she had been connected in while we had been talking away.

Soooooooo yeah.... Welcome to my world.
Let this be a warning to you... if there is any driving being done by someone who truly is Nuts... don't let a dick hold your phone... especially if your boss is on speed dial.
But fuck it.... I am who I am.... and my nuts can steer the fuck outta that ride! Oh yeah!

Anniversary celebrations

Today is our anniversary...
What is on the agenda you may ask?

Well Dropping the boy off at Mindy's and then.... ooooooh yeah... you could probably guess....
We will be working around the house.
LOL
We are trying to get things finished up around here and this is my last Vaca day so ya know celebrate with a little work. ;0)

I really haven't made it sound all that exciting but... I actually am looking forward to getting a bunch of stuff off The List"


Happy 16th baby! I don't know how the fuck you have put up with me this long. I think you deserve a medal if not a the Nobel peace prize.

Journey 2 the center of the Earth....

The movie was okay
except......

• I wouldn't watch it at the Bangor Cinema.

• The movie was SUPPOSED to be 3D....

• The whole thing was out of Focus.... And NOT because it was supposed to be 3D... because it was out of focus.

• The popcorn was the worst I have had at a theater. Burnt & full of seeds... how the fuck can you cook popcorn so much you turn it black and STILL NOT pop all of the fucking kernels??? How can you even do that?!

• The manager was a touch-hole... which for the uninformed is six degrees worst than a Taint.

• The house lights didn't go down... much which made it even harder to see the already out-of-focus movie.

• Theater #8 is possibly the worst theater that they have there.

• It ONLY showed once... at 8:40 PM

• So all and all if you have a choice to go some where else to see it... I recommend that you do... if not bring a great fucking book and wipe you ass with the $40.

Party til 1am, Minigolf & Journey to the center of the Earth

Party, Party, Party.

As always partying with the Jordan's was a good time.
Apples to apples gets to be more fun as the drinks begin to flow!
All I have to say is ..... Schindler's list is there ANYTHING more frivolous??? ... I mean Dr Kevorkian he is a bit of a frivolous bitch himself but the list... c'mon!

Vaca in full effect!

Yesterday was the official kick off of our vaca and it felt good just knowing that I am on vaca.
The trip to Boothbay harbor was cool had a good time there and of course followed it up with a party @ Rick & Colleen's.
Today's plans are a decent mix of fun & fun with a side of fun.
Breakfast at Denny's, then movies tonight with just a continuous batch of "Non-planned" fun.

So I am off to do the breakfast thing and get started!

Ready for Vaca... VERY ready!

Damn Straight!
Yup... that's right.
I can't wait for the eight hours left between me and Vaca to sail right the fuck on by.
I have been burnin' both ends for the last couple of weeks and I need to unwind.


Like a two-fisted sucker punch!
The way things have been going at work this past week I have just wanted to run screaming from the office.
As of Late I am more a babysitter than coworker.
I know it's called life and that is just how it comes at ya... but I am just tired and need a little room to breath.
Thank god for the brief escapes down to the shop for a little sanity... or insanity I guess is more the case... but it's the small kinds of sanity that keep me inside of the lines.
Lately Punching some one has become more of a possibility than most of my normal day to day control... so like I said for his safety... I am REALLY looking forward to the time off.

Alright enough pissin and moaning.... so are we drinking on Saturday or what?
I intend to have a few... that much I know... Let me know if I am drinking alone or if there will be a small collection of drunk assholes clustered around a game camera somewhere.


All Rick's fault!
oh yeah and rick... I looked at my message log this morning and thanks to you I seem to have a fuckload of text messages that have gather up... Think i need to clean that out some time... you have turned me into a textin' freak I swear... but in reality it was just a matter of time I mean you all knew that I was an "Anti-social prick" to begin with and texting is the perfect way to BS all the time in short bursts that doesn't really require human interaction.... so in other word the perfect method for me.


Stick a fork in me...
Alright... time to wrap this smoke wagon up and head her toward the sun... I am done for the night... talk to you all later

My mind is blank...

Well actually that isn't true....
it is flooded with all kinds of things like "Sprint T1 connection contracts" and "Shift and reboots coverages" "Contracts" and half a million other buzzkills.

So I just have a crapload of... crap on my mind.
It really is fucking up my good time.
Who knew being a responsible adult was such a total pain in the ass.
I just wanna kick something and scream.

**Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh** I don't think I have the fucking energy... it would end up just being a nudge and a grunt at this fuckin' rate, I swear.

Can't drink.... Much

Tonight should be fun....
I am on duty of course so I need to take it easy....
but it still should be a fun time.

I feel guilty blogging.

Why you ask...
Well it really goes deeper than a simple answer.
I know Rick has listened to me run my mouth on the subject more than anyone should have to but otherwise I don't really say much about it.

Comments I guess is where it starts.
By and large I tend to censor myself when I visit all of your blogs and when I don't I begin to wonder just how out of place my comments tend to look.
You all seem to have "Normal" regular old people that tend to visit and comment...
I have you guys ;0) **Laughs** (I meant that in a good way believe it or not)
You tend to accept me for who I am and what I say but let's be honest... I don't even come close to passing for a responsible adult.
So there are generally a great deal of comments I don't make on your blogs because while I find them amusing and I am sure that Rick and I would laugh about them all the way into work... I don't think they hold the same weight and merit with most people.

...and all of that having been said... sometimes it is just difficult to come up with something to say that is amusing and doesn't offend most people to the point where Rick and I are the only ones commenting...
don't get me wrong... that is entertaining to me as well.

Some days however... the complete heaviness of a crushing adult world takes the absolute last of my comedic energy and kicks it square in the balls. (Which I am sure leads to a grazing Taint shot as well.)
So yeah... more blogs when I have something mildly amusing to say.

Too Tired to be funny

Well... It seems with all of the stuff going on at work... I just don't have time to think through being funny.

I mean Rick and I tear on anyone in our "go-to Group" and I think it is funny... pretty sure that the manwhich comments had Rick laughin' so I think he enjoyed it....

Speaking of enjoying it.... rick, guy smiley said he needs his cane and seeing eyedog back if he's ever gonna find his way back to Salvation army... his sense of smell has been all fucked up since salvation army guy showed him deep.

So yeah... I know I am not really that funny tonight... but I am tired.
More when I feel a bit more on the funny side.

Things I didn't know before I met Rick: Part 1

• That an old lady, once soaked moves a hell of a lot faster on the second day.

• That I was considered by some to be an "Anti-social prick"... Turns out it was just a misconception... I am Many kinds of prick... NOT just an anti-social one.

• Where Dresden was on the map. I still couldn't get us back there if ya paid me.
  

• That I could pay tolls with (mostly) empty Mt Dew bottles and pennies from my ashtray and floorboards... Man was that toll booth attendant a prick!

• If there is a party and a cooler Rick will KNOW where the "Last" of the beer is.

• Rick and I are NOT the ones to call if you have just broken up with someone. Our solution involves a 1/2 gallon of Jack and a bag of Dunster's donuts.

• If we crawl up onto the roof pretty soon Everyone wants to be on the roof.

• That the cops in Hampden USED to be cooler.

• If you are at a pit party... DON'T RUN! it is far better to finish your drink while the cops chase those that did run.
  

• More to come on these...
  

Happy Birthday Brotha!

Hope you had a great Birthday.


...and that taint just ya typical Birthday wishin' BS right there I tell ya.

Nope... Tain't at'all.

(Twice the taint with half the wishin'... That there is what old salvation army guy would call a win / win)

Flash, Blogging & Cars

Tattoo Flash
I have been thinking about doing up some tattoo flash as of late and posting some of it here.
I Worked on Ricks tattoo and was really happy that he liked it.
It is one of those things where I like it because I worked on it but then you start to question if it is good or if it is just good to you because you have been looking at it for so long.
So it was a relief that he liked it as well.
I really like doing tattoo flash art more than most things that I draw.
It is like instant gratification.
So that being said you may see some of it posted here.

My Blog
It needs a face lift worse than a Joan Crawford before an awards ceremony.
I have been kicking around some designs and need to make the background images for the page.
So take that as a warning that the look of my site may change a bunch of times between now and whenever.

She's Alive Igor.... ALIVE!
The car that is.
I got her put back together and let me just tell you something.
There is a reason I do not make my living as a mechanic.
Now I know what some of you are thinking... and No I am quite capable of skinning my knuckles and swearing (in fact that part I am quite proficient at)
I know that comes as quite a shock to all of you.
As I am sure you can all picture me in my greasy clothes saying things like "Sugar foot", "Oh Crabgrass" and "Muffin sticks!"
Surprisingly enough "Taint" has been know to cross my lips... no wait a second... THAT'S not what I meant...
Anyway.
So back to the reason I don't make my living at it.
There are things that I am capable of doing and enjoy... but if I HAVE to do them... they become NOT fun and I drag my feet like a dog at the vets that's going to be neutered.

All that being said... I got the car back together and the way I did it was the absolute simplest formula and it was one that relied on digging deep into my past.

The method for finishing the car went something like this...
01: Get extremely fuuuuuuhckt up the night before (Check!) ... party like a rock star that has access to a game camera, some cake boobs (Yes I meant "Cake" ANYONE can fondle FAKE boobs) and a fishing lure.
02: Do anything BUT work on the car when you wake up.
03: Around 3:30 - 4ish Throw on greasy clothes (UNLESS you woke up in your "Greasy clothes that is" hey... it happens.)
04: Crawl under vehicle and absolutely blank out your mind... Switch to auto pilot. (It is a good thing that my "Auto Pilot Flight instructions" were programmed when I was three sheets to the wind.... aaaaah the "Formative years" )
05: Scrape & skin knuckles and forearms all to hell
06: Swear. This may happen at ANY time through out this formula... it is not necessarily tied to the sixth position however it does generally follow Step five at what ever interval that particular step crops up in the routine.
07: Take a break to look things over... this is the point at which you realize that #@$%in' power steering pump bracket obstructs your ability to thread in the leftmost exhaust manifold nut at which point you continue to celebrate your absolute wisdom at "Saving time" by bolting that on first. Not that I'm bitter or anything but I tell you if I ever meet the fucker that was the lead engineer at Hyundai I swear to Christ the ass whooping I lay do will be of biblical proportions... I mean we will find out if an engineers Taint and a power steering pump bracket can "Begat" anything.
08: Redo anything that you did in what seemed like a logical order but found in step seven to be wrong. Until you have performed to at least the extent of your ability a somewhat Half ass job.
09: Toss your tools in on the floor mats 'cuz your done for the night... I didn't say you were DONE.... I said you were Done for the night. The reason for the added little modifier on done is UNDOUBTEDLY you found Something else that required attention while working on whatever the hell you originally started working on.

So anyway... the car is done....
Except Now I need to Bleed the brakes, fill the power steering fluid, change the filters, change the oil, change the plugs, and change the wipers... Oh yeah not to mention check the circuit for the speed sensor and oil the hinges.
But I mean other than that this bitch is DONE!

So ya see there is a definite reason that I don't make a living at this stuff.

Tried to moon the game camera...

But that didn't seem to work out... you can thank me now.

The way it is...

Alright.... as anyone who was there can tell you....
The party last night was an absolute success!
Thank you to Rick and Colleen for hosting the event & everyone that came for making it as cool as it was.
Great fireside conversation and general discussion... we covered all of the basics (of course).

The basic rundown...

The night started like many before it... but would soon become "One for the books."
The supplies were plentiful and the crowd was trickling in.
Questions abound about the intricacies of lesbianism and it's application... especially as it pertains to trucking.

Of course the game camera was to play a huge part of the evening and I will say a big thank you to Ingrid for playing along out at the game cam. Everyone else that said they were going to go out, did not.

Drinking

Yes there was some.
Let me just say... I maintained a buzz that was described as "You're Fucked UP!" several times.
Now in my defense.... I was fucked up.
I have to say Nicole you started it by putting your melon in my mouth!
Woah... THAT Drink was a nice little distraction... I just think it needs a more Manly name...
I think I will call it "TrainWreck!" (and YES the "!" is part of the name.)

TMI

Sometimes when I talk and there are new people around I see this look in there eyes that is something akin to "okay... I need to back slowly out of the room and sneak away... then I need to get a tetanus shot"
So okay I admit re-enacting the Rite-aid scene where I pretended to have crabs MAAAAAAY have been a bit much for the first intro night. Work should be fun for you colleen... but I have to tell you after that retelling there were a few people "Adjusting themselves in an uncomfortable way"

Craigslist snapper in the morning

Let me just say... there are some things I don't need to see over eggs and bacon and there a some "Missed connections" that are just plain creepy. Oh yeah... Sushi guy... just go on craigslist I swear there seems to be a large calling for someone to lay down the raw fish.

Ingrid... So are ya coming?

I mean we need a commitment here.

This is some serious business.... you know if you don't come then we are gonna be drunk and belligerently texting 'til all hours of the night.

Okay... I have been trying to think about what is gonna be on the game camera when rick pulls the card in the morning.

I am bringing some props with me... so this should be good.

All hail the 4th o' july party!

is it time to party yet?

I am looking forward to Saturday!

Long days....

Sorry for the lack of blogging....
The days have been packed so full I have been dropping shortly after walking in the door here at night.


I hope to have something amusing and interesting after work lets out tomorrow...

We shall see... I mean I already revealed my hair care regimen for those of you that haunt the circle I run in... I mean that and saying testicles is about the extent of what I can pull off tonight....

Wait... I didn't mean I was going to pull MY testicles off...
I am not pulling ANY testicles off for that matter!

Okay I am just going to stop before this turns into some sick abbot and costello routine...
"Who's testicles are ya pullin' off?"
"damn straight, both of them!"
"both of who's?"
"That's what I just said"
"Who's?"
"yes!"

Okay... this is me stopping. >_<

New basic layout.... not much else though

I am trying out a new basic layout.

Not much else... just tired.

I will tweak the layout more later.

Why Rick & I aren't allowed at the petting zoo.

'Nuff Said.

I Never listen...

...and THIS is what i get for it!

Testing my Scribefire setup with FF3

"This is a test of the emergency Blog network....
This is only a test....
Had this been a real blog you would have been inundated with utter hilarity and all around awesomeness... This is only a test. >>insert wicked annoying noise here<< "



Alright this will look different I am sure....
I needed to test FireFox3 and ScribeFire to make sure that everything wasn't completely screwed.

We shall see how it looks.

Bring it on!

Today is Friday!!!
It seems I have been doing side work for everyone and their brother lately.
I swear it is a good thing I have insomnia!
Finished up most of the work have a little bit more but I am going to do the Man-cubs Birthday party Saturday and have a couple of the boys sleep over so I won't be doing much "work-type" stuff It will be celebrating' time.

Setting up the pool...
Well... a funny thing happened on the way to getting the pool set up...

I swept off the area where the pool was going to live.... No sweat (Well okay... my tubby ass was sweating like a kitten in an Chinese restaurant)
I Laid out the tarp that was to be the "Extra buffer layer"... Simple (I laid it down as smooth as a Vegas lounge lizard's come-on lines)
Flopped down the pool all six thousand five hundred and forty two pounds of it... Easy (She laid over like a French whore on holiday)
Dragged out the Filter, Poles, Hoses and what not... Yup (You KNOOOOOW I can handle the hose!)

After setting every thing in place...
I had Zero, Nada, zip, bupkiss as far as connectors were concerned.... When it came time to hook it all up Micheal Jackson had a better shot at getting in Marie Osmond's panties than I had of getting that pool snapped together.

So basically.... My pool is nothing more than a ground covering mass of plastic and poles (not unlike a Paris Hilton video)

I will keep you updated on my adventures in Pool assembly as the whole thing progresses (After I get the connectors that thing should be up like the demand for Penicillin at the walk-in clinic. )

I'll Leave you with This...
Glad to see Ingrid joining in... and don't let anyone fool ya... the sticks aren't that sharp... and they beat the hell outta marathon card play (though I did find myself in a sudden death game of baccarat one time.... I had to break the tie that was made when I lost the "Extreme Go Fish" game to that one eye sword swallower from the bayou... that is a story for another time though)

Any way... sorry for the delay in blogging or commenting... but I really have been busy doing Work.

That is all for now I guess.
~Later

Fondled electronics and Texting while drinking

Passed around like a cheap date.
Colleen and Nicole were fondling my sexy electronics last night.
They both have Blackberry envy but I thought Nicole was gonna make sweet sweet love to it. **whispers** It has been like 24hr since she had anything in her.... O_o
Well anyway.... 

Nothing short of amazing...
As always the group of friends that were there were great and the you couldn't have asked for a better time.

We took it easy on Chris I don't think anyone said "Anal" at anything above a whisper.
We want to break him in slow but not treat him with kid gloves at the same time.
I can already tell that the indicator of a good party will be the quality of Game camera pictures that are up loaded the next day.

Wii Fit
Julie had me laughing when she jumped off the wii fit pad when the calendar came up to stamp it.
Oooooh Like hell I am going to commit to some Workout routine!

Nicole proved that she has incredible Wii Fit yoga balance and I tried to distract her by waggling my blackberry in front of her to throw herballance off. Who knew that she was all drippy for a blackberry... She fondled mine like it had been 24hrs since... alright... I think you guys know the rest.

I didn't dare crawl my sexy self all up on that wii fit... it would have been to hard for me to learn that my Wii fit age was 69 and had a potbelly! I don't wanna kill the dream!

Ingrid
Texting Ingrid was all the rage last night.... I holla'd at her a few times (after prying the thing outta Nicole's fingers that is)
...and Ingrid those really were text messages from me as well.... if you are going to be coming to some of these get togethers.... you have to be ready for the abuse! ;0)

I'll Leave you with This...
I gotta head up to Lowe's and then off to Toy'sRus so I am off to fight with the mindless masses... see you all at the next get together.

That is all for now I guess.
~Later

Would you rather... Get a shower rod at Walmart OR Call me back.

Last night's party...
First off let me say thanks to all of you that came it was a great time.
I had a blast playing the games and eating the awesome food.... I thought I was gonna pop!

Laughing until my sides hurt...
what do I love about the fact that we play games.... The conversations that get started.
My sides were hurting by the time I crawled into bed.
I knew it was going to be a funny night as the game got started.
When ever we play a game.... Time CAN NOT be a factor.... just pitch the sand filled timer right back in the box along with the rules... Because we are just going to play the game however the hell we feel like it and Timing each turn just won't work. We have an average of three conversations going at any time.
So... we made up the rules to fit what we wanted and tried to fit game play in around discussions of the Fonz and anal sex.... NOT Anal sex WITH the Fonz.... But then I don't swing like that.
**Does a gesture that draws great attention to his FIST**
It may have been the Tupperware that SOME of us were drinking out of... I don't know
Nicole and I were guarding the Monkey bread like we would fuck up anyone that considered sticking their fingers in "OUR" Monkey bread!
Ooooh and so you all know I am "Slow talking" as I write this... so to read it... Make sure that you interject a lot of "Uuuums" and a ton of indecision. So Reading this should take you two - three days... and you should wind up more confused about why you started than when you began.

I am an appleweed enabler
Yup... I am helping Rick fulfill his dream of being like Johnny Appleweed
So he will be out there today spreading the seed Johnny Appleweed style... Laying it down.
A Little state mix maybe? You better hope that Henry doesn't find out that you are cross training... He will be waiting for us on Monday brother.

I'll Leave you with This...
**Sticks his thumb up in the air** "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey"
and of course
"It has been a Whoooooole day since I've had a **** in my ***!"
(I think that is my new favorite quote.)

That is all for now I guess.
~Later

I feel better about myself... Thanks YouTube.

YouTube... Thanks!
Any time I need to feel better about myself all I need to do is spend a few minutes watching You tube.

Case in point.... StevieBGoode.
Check him out..... http://www.youtube.com/user/StevieBGoode

My take on his life goes a little something like this.
He's divorced.
He moved back into his mom's basement and he uses  the Den-type space to return back to when he was cool... sometime in the eighties.
His Ex-wife got EVERYTHING except his collection of Izods and bad pants.
He is working as a busboy until his "Band" gets signed.
At which time he will rub his fame in his Ex's face and be able to afford all of the DEP and other various Hair products he uses and requires.

I swear I should probably not throw stones when it comes to "All things 80's" but still... It entertains me.


I'll Leave you with This...
I'll try to blog more... but who knows with me.

That is all for now I guess.
~Later

Katie is stalkin' me... So, I fuel the fire

Last Night...
To Blog Or not.... THAT is the question.
Was a great time.
Had fun over a Rick & Colleen's.
Played a little "Classic" GH.
Amazingly enough I can Suck in retro as well.
I was told that should I decide NOT to blog... I should at least blog to say I am not going to blog
To be honest this was going to be a short... "Good time last night... not much else to say" kinda blogs
That is UNTIL this morning.

Katie you Harlot...
I am tired and I would like to thank whatever ass-hat called me bright and early this morning to talk.

Katie where ever you are... you are a shameless whore.

For those not in the know let me lay it out for you.
I have had my cell # for eleven months now... So it isn't like I JUST got it or anything.
Well, A girl named Katie used to have my #.
and from the caliber of Booty calls that ring out on this thing I am guessing that the number is on a bus terminal men's room wall or gets handed out by the local chapter of the USO and the UBM at rallies.
Any way... Me being the prick that I am... I enjoy screwing with people when they call... but this morning I was just plain tired. So I went with the  "you got the wrong number" hoping that They wouldn't try again in a matter of seconds after hanging up.

I Hope that I have inconvenienced her...
So like I said I try to make things interesting.
Let me see if I can list some of my favorite conversations.
I told one of her friends that if she had called I was supposed to ask if she had picked the KY up
I talked to her brother for about a half hour (Hey... he called me) ;0) I have actually talked to him several times but usually they are quick conversations.
I told a drunken room full of ass-hats that she "wasn't Avaaaaaailable if-ya-know-what-I-mean" but she would give em a call after she showered. (Okay, I know I am a bastard... but what do I care?)
I talked to a group of , Again.... Drunk ass-hats that were Tore-up and watching a game on TV that I could hear. They were interested in Katie coming over to watch the game with all of them.
Several of her girlfriends call through out the day.

So I gotta know...
What kind of friend do you gotta be that your "Friend" changes her # and almost a year later you haven't been told of the change? O_o
I would like to believe that I would be included in the # updates of anyone whom I currently have in my contact list.

I'll Leave you with This...
I will try to Blog with a bit more regularity... But we will see how that holds out

That is all for now I guess.
~Later

I remember a time when...

I used to Blog
I have taken BlogSlackery to a level that if it were a religion.... I'd be the frigin' Pope.
Not that I should be proud of that or anything I am just sayin'... with me it seems that I have an all or nothing kinda attitude.

I think that is why they kicked me off the field hockey team... Ooooh Wait... I was more of a mascot.... But anyway.

Let me relay my blog slacker status to you in the form that I find the most fitting...

I shall now deal in verse in the form of such greats as Dr. Seuss.

I shall not Blog inside the box...
(This is not meant to be a take off any one Dr. Seuss piece but more just done in the pattern he happened to write in. )

One blog, Two blog
No blog, Some blog

The words dried up
they seemed to fade
I waited by
and counted days

I thought I was through
My words all done
I listed for voices
and I heard one

It told a tale
of blog-slack crime
I was to blame
So once again I made time

I typed and typed
and heard the sound
as keys were pushed
and words wrote down

I'll start with this
and go day to day
"Just post some stuff"
I heard you say

Post a poll
or post a quiz
For Christ sake
We don't care what it is!

Just post it here
and post it now
We've seen you write
& You know how

So stop this slacking
Stop the wait
Type something up
and make it great

start at the top
and work to the end
just be thankful for now
I am blogging again.

Trippin'...
I will be headed for some warmer weather for a few days.


I'll Leave you with This...
Mahna Mahna (Check the video out if you haven't already.)

That is all for now I guess.
~Later