Bringing a Lil' Winterport to Hampden

I stood around this mornin' thinkin' to myself "Why is it exactly that my neighbors all Loooove Me?" Well if I'm honest I broke it down a little something like this:

"The weakest Link"

Generally speaking People (Read that last part as "All the Fucks that ain't us") tend to Surround themselves with people that make them look better at first glance.
Well the problem with that is you have people out there like me That fuck that theory all sortsa up for them.

Now let me just expand on that for a minute if I may. When someone chooses to surround themselves they try to grab someone of like characteristics and just try to "Shop slightly below" the image they themselves are trying to put off.... and in strolls me. One white bread walking dilemma of a neighbor showing up to frig up the resale values in middle-classurbia.

So crowded around there are those sorta people that groom their lawns right up till when the snow flies... I refer to them as "Those People" because I am NOT one of them. Now back to me...

I have been remodeling my house for like... Well since the minute I have owned it. It is a CONSTANT process. Now any one that knows me knows that I am WAY more in tune with the DEstruction part and the CONstruction part... uuum well, let's just say I haven't been as excited about THAT part. To be honest, I've accomplished more in the last 4 weeks than I have in the last 4 years... but I digress.

So back to the fucks that chose (or were forced by cruel fate when I moved in!) to live near me (I swear I think I deserve to be on ANY flier involving the neighborhood). I see them looking at my yard and shaking their heads (Yeah I'm talkin' about YOU Lounsbury!) As I wield the machete to get the boy on the bus in the morning. Hey, childhood is supposed to be an adventure and I'm Indiana Freakinjones. Anyway... As I have remodeled I have had a tendency to just pitch shit off my deck...
I know what your think "Fucking Class act" and I agree Whole heartedly. However the pile of debris that seems to be taking on a life of it's own... well it's even a bit much for my rednecky ass to put up with.
I have Half-ass tried to keep it between the rock wall and the car on blocks... but it has strayed a bit... in a few places. The neighbors have that look in their eyes like "We'll NEVER be able to sell... I know the market is down right now but living next to Bo-Bo the remodeling freak over there... well quite frankly dear I do believe we're fucked!"

In my heart of hearts I Almost feel for them.. but then I remember that we live in America... and I don't even need to take responsibility... I can Blame shift and with a guilt free wave of the Blame wand I skillfully plop the responsibility for the impromptu-formation-of-utter-turmoil-unleashed square onto the town of Hampden... that's right you heard me.
I mean c'mon... We used to be able to take Debris (of which my pile is completely constructed!) to the dump when ever the hell we felt like it (well, except Monday and Tuesday.. but I don't count those days anyway.) And then the HIGH and Mighty powers that control the friggin' trash heap decided that because of abuse by contractors (Yeah... so you Fucks aren't blameless in this whole charade either... and you know who you are you privilege abusin' pricks!) That they were going to limit it to two weekends a month... and it almost seems as if you are trying to break into fucking fort Knox if you try to slip some official debris into the dump on unofficial Debris days. I mean break out the gestapo action... they just need the uniforms. And for the love of all that is holy and good It isn't like the landfill here in Hampden is taking such a serious ass whooping because of Lil' ol me.

Any way... So that pile is growing and as I looked around this morning I thought "Wooooow... Looks like a little slice of backwoods west Winterport around here" ... and trust me when I tell you folks I should know. That thought made me smile because I realized every one around me used to just wish their yard looked better than the next guys and so on and so forth.... now all of them just wished my yard look as good as ANY of theirs... And there I go fucking up that curve.

So as I began to walk my grinning ass back to the house I thought Maybe I should take down the pool in my driveway... but then, Hell where are the kids gonna skate this year if I do?
So... if you look on Google maps and see some ramshackle stack of all-out-redneck next to the road here in Hampden... well you zoom right in real close like and I do believe you will see me giving the satellite the finger while mooning the Lounsbury's.