How many ways to skin a cat?

Let me think...
This mornin' I thought of a few I will tell you!

Cats are funny creatures ya know.

They are capable of giving you this Lovey dovey look like "You are supreme ruler of the world I live in..."

What you may not realize as you walk around in a freshly woken state is that the rest of that statement goes "Until I get your unsuspecting ass near those stairs Bitch.... Then I will rule this world while I dine on the twisted carnage that is you mangle body in a heap at the base of the stairs!" 

 

So after making it down the stairs and glaring at "Her Royal Highness" I realized how much I like my dog.

She sat there licking her paws with a look that in my mind was translated into humanese as "Damn for a tubby bastard you are quite agile" She was almost kicked for that I will tell you.

Instead I brewed a pot of the Life force elixer that keeps me sane and took the wonderful dog out for her morning constitutional.

My dog is great.

 
Then there was coffee...
Things began to be less fuzzy as the caffiene seep it's way into my system.

coursing through my veins... delivering itself to my heart and brain... notifying them that they were indeed going to be needed for at least one more go around.

I gave the Dog a treat and tried not to translate for the cat anymore.  

As if attempted murder wasn't enough
So, Coffee cup in hand I turn to head to the next wonderous stage of the morning ritual.

The shower.

The most incredible invention.

My next goal is to get that shower from the commercial where the plumber is setting up the all around shower for the couple... and he is singing while taking a shower.... but anyway....

So... cup in hand turn, Lift foot to step, begin the step forward and Bam! Cat one ("Her Royal Highness") materializes outta thin frickin' air in the exact location that my foot SHOULD be touching down... So I do a spastic 1/4 step stagger and stick the landing. Not so much as Drop spilled as her "Voice" echoes in the back of my mind "This one is very practiced in the ancient art of Felinus Avoidicuss... I must think of something else!"

Kicking her seems like an even better option at this point I must say.

But.... I take the high road and proceed. The problem with my plan to continue on my chosen path is that after being a spectator to two attempt on my life the second cat ("ThickSkullapuss the slow") thinks.... "Ooooh we play game now"

So he begins to jump AT my feet as I pick them up and tries to lay across my foot WHILE I am still lifting it.

"Her Royal Highness" takes this as her cue... seeing the she has an accomplice... I slow witted and dense patsy basically... but an accomplice none the less she springs into action.  

and THAT is when all hell broke loose
So with one foot in the air, a cat dangling over my foot, a full cup of piping hot coffee and a second cat bent on taking me down... I realized this was the point when bad things would happen.

Following through with my step I faked the step forward. at the last moment a flung the cat dangling from my foot slightly skyward and quickly avoided the demon princess that had materialized in the spot my foot was headed.

Putting my foot down about the time that Skullapuss touched down somewhere near the sofa.

He looked like one of those Warner Brothers cartoons. He was running in the air before he touched down. The demon at my feet must have been able to translate the mumbling & muttering I was doing along with the glare into the Cat equivelant of "Your Next Bitch" Because she Peeled out it what can only be described as a spastic Mobius strip.... If you have made it this far without skimming you will remember that there was One cat running in the air that was touching down and that I have an awesome dog... So now for some quick animal math.... 1 Cat Running wildly trying to avoid death from above (AKA me) + 1 Cat running in the air with out a clue + 1 awesome dog that was taking care of me (AKA King of the house) = the funniest damn race track of animals I have seen. Karma (The Great dog) stood by the side as they were spazing out... and as the female Demon was buzzing by one of the times Karma stepped out into the way... the cat barrelled into here and ended up doing some weird pinwheely kinda thing.

My dog is great.

I still wanna kick the cat.  

I'll Leave you with This...
In general... Never trust your life to a cat. That's all I'm saying.

That is all for now I guess.
~Later