A lot on my mind...
Lately I have had a lot on my mind.
Family stuff....
Extended family mostly.
Sometimes I still wonder Hooooow I got to be the "responsible one"... ~>Has a puzzled look on his face<~
I swear it seams like only yesterday I didn't realize that the rest of my Life had so much in store for me.
~>Sigh<~
When did "This" Happen?
Did some one assign me the "Responsible chair" while I wasn't looking?
I just seem to be one of the few that steps up when it comes right down to it.
It can get rather frustrating too I might add.
But the problem is...
I can't feel okay just ignoring the situation hoping that some one will suddenly wake up and go
"....Oh.... Maaaaann... Wow, I really need to stop being irresponsible and get my shit together!" Because no matter how much I wish for it... I still find myself awake at night, talking to myself and thinking that I need figure out what to do that is best for EVERYONE involved. It shouldn't be my job or responsibility.... I have my own family and responsibilities to handle.
~>Sigh<~
So What's the "Down Side"?
Well... from what I can envision I think the down side is the very hard time I will get to go through after all of this gets brought into the light. I have spent the evening talking with Julie, and she Tried to make me feel better about it being the right thing. and that she was proud of me for knowing I had to do it... But that doesn't Lighten the load on my heart.
I know that I will be causing a strain on a relationship I would rather not.... And then of course there is the undue pressure from other family members that may not understand that I am trying to help... or may refuse to see it as Help.
I just think that Knowing in my heart that I did something Out of pure Love... Because I wanted someone to be safe... May have to be enough.
When I cash in my chips at the end of "The Big Game" I hope that Doing it for the right reason takes a bit of Weight off.
I'll Leave you with that...
Sorry to sound so whiney... I just needed to vent... Get some of this off my chest.
So... I am gonna go crawl in to bed and Try to get some sleep now.
I have some calls to make tomorrow and Lots to Figure out.
That is all for now I guess.
~Later
Monday, February 5, 2007
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2 comments:
I wish I could have said something to you Jerry that would have made you feel better. It sucks right out loud that things have gone in the direction that they have. And that (and don't get me wrong cause I love your mom and dad...) you are the only one who is a strong enough person to help. It is not fair. And I am sorry if I put too much presure on you by saying that. You know I will always be behind you in this whole thing. Behind you and praying and hoping for the kids and for your Sis. I love them because they are my family too as much as my own sister and the twins. Love YOU!
Just got a lot on my mind.
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